How Governments do Business

It is the month of August, 0n the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt and living on credit.

A rich tourist comes to town and enters the only hotel. He lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the farmer.

The farmer takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town’s prostitute that, in these hard times, gave her “services” on credit.

The prostitute runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

After inspecting the rooms, the rich tourist comes down and takes his 100 Euro note and leaves town, saying that he didn't like any of the rooms.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Governments do business today.

I'll Give You a Clue

I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE

DJ: What creature squirts a smelly unpleasant fluid at its enemies?

Contestant: A snake.

DJ: No, I'll give you a clue--it's black and white.

Contestant: A bee.

--Game show on Capital Radio (UK)

Found here - http://www.makesafetyfun.com/newsletters/safety_stuff_archive.htm

Real Medical Records

REAL MEDICAL RECORDS

"The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."

"She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December."

"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."

"The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints."

"Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor."

"The patient has no past history of suicides."

You think you had bad snow??

Wow, check out this PowerPoint presentation for some serious snow and ice!

Click here for presentation download.

Golf Joke

The Swede's wife stepped up to the tee and, as she bent over to place her ball, a gust of wind blew her skirt up and revealed her lack of underwear.


"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any," she replied.


The Swede immediately reached into his pocket and said, "For the sake of decency, here's a $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."




Next, the Irishman's wife bent over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blew up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"


She replied, "I can't afford any on the little money you give me."

Patrick reached into his pocket and said, "For the sake of decency, here's a $20. Go out and buy yourself some underwear!"


Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bent over. The wind also took her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked.


"Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the friggin hell are yer drawers?"

She too explained, 'You dinna give me enough money to be able at affarrd any."


The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and said, "Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.."

Oh, the irony...

Excerpt from IOSH events website…………

Business continuity planning and BS 25999: what could possibly go wrong?

This event has been cancelled due to adverse weather conditions.

All True

The missus has just gone into hospital with 2 black eyes and a broken jaw! It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist, "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?". "No," she replies "its just regular porn, ya sick bastard"

One oh ma mates has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?". He said, "Her brothers got a moustache!"