Maths and Movies

Here is a wee-bit o’ calculi to help thee find yer all time favourite movie …
… … … Mine was Back to the Future -- Give it a whirl. It really does work! ...

· pick a number from 1 – 9

· multiply it by 3

· add 3

· multiply by 3 again

· now add the two digits together

your film is the one which corresponds to the number you have arrived at - now scroll down and see.










1. Gone with the Wind

2. Back to the Future

3. Jaws

4. Star Wars

5. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

6. Terminator

7. The Sound of Music

8. Predator

9. Gay Construction Boys in Leather taking it up the Arse Vol.2

10. Saving Private Ryan



Told you! -- It really does work!

Dog for Sale

Appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog. Read her sales pitch below...



Dog For Sale;
Free to good home.
Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, molesters, or drug dealers left in the neighborhood for him to eat.

Answers to the name of 'Holy Shit'

Wisdom of an older man

The Wisdom of an Older Man



An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.

'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'

'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she appears out of nowhere….'

Strangers on a train

Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were an English guy, a Scottish bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde Swiss girl with large breasts.

The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the English guy has a bright red, hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.

The old lady thinks:
The English guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.

The blonde Swiss girl thinks:
That English guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.

The English guy thinks:
That Scottish bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark, she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.


And the Scottish guy thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack that English c_nt again.....